Work's been kicking my butt the last couple weeks, we're sort of in the middle of a manager change, new guy starts Monday. He seems pretty cool, but I guess most of the 'Bucks managers do.
I don't blog very much these days. I'm not really sure when that happened. Sort of thought I'd be more open as I got older and instead I've sort of gone the other way and become more private.
Today was a hard day, to be honest. It's been a difficult week, actually. You know those times when every day feels like it should be the end of the week? So you start to relax too soon and end up not getting enough rest? ...I guess that doesn't make very much sense. I just feel like there's too much to do anymore and not enough energy or time -at the right time- to do it all. And all the interesting stuff, like the scary house down the street (the one with all the boarded windows and the rusty for sale sign) that I keep saying I'm going to take photos of, gets lost in the shuffle of feet and scrubbing of tubs.

But it's winter, so there's that. I love it rainy.

Whoa. The changing really does happen all at once sometimes, doesn't it?

So Bethany is gone. D.C. took her away from us early this morning. At the moment (and who knows how long this will last) I'm thinking we might be able to forgive it if it sends her back with some truth that has not reached us here in the desolation of the desert. Or maybe she was sent to take truth there - in any case, if this betters the world, so be it.

Jeremy and I've been watching the first season of Supernatural with an obsessiveness rivaled only by what I hear is a normal human neccessity for sleep. The crew of geniuses who created, write, direct, produce, cast, and score this show have somehow crawled into my head and created the ideal; the epitome of televison drama. And the DVD all cleaned up and widescreen, well, transitions aside, it looks like a movie.

Anyway, all that to say, Supernatural is awesome and everyone should watch it.

Oh, luxurious yawnage. I felt like a person again today, for the first time in a little while. Home alone for most of the day, I cleaned the place up a little, wrote out a list of Christmas/Chanukkah gifts I'll be purchasing... hopefully within the week, played a little guitar, and even watched a couple episodes of Samurai Jack and a movie.
It's been very calm. I don't know when I got un-used to that, but I really enjoyed it today. Lately I've found myself becoming less and less joyful with life, you know? When you get in that little rut where you get up five minutes later every day until you've got less than half an hour to get to work? And then, when you get there, you are still very tired and yawny, and you don't want to talk to anyone, you can't wait to get home... But when you get home, you're exhausted and you just want to go to bed... It's a vicious cycle.
And very unusual for me, I might add. I love winter and Christmas and the whole season... Sights, smells, sounds - all the work and the whole bit. I really do. This is where I always feel like I belong. But it all sort of felt rushed this year, until today.
I breathe the very deliberately today. And, as I write it all out, I find myself actually becoming a kind of excited about the holidays for the first time this year. Like I finally took a second to realise how little all the little things are that have been tripping me up all this time, and how it's all supposed to be about God and God being so big.... For some reason, when I think about God being big, I imagine a very light transparent blanket settling over a sleepy little town that is very dark and blueish with bright yellow windows, sort of like a sheet settles on a bed after you shake it. I think that probably makes more sense as an imaginary thing, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.