dot.allison

Today was a weird day. I really just needed to say that. (And this post is going to change tenses and probably persons many times, and probably overuse the word 'and', but just bear with me, okay? I'm sleepy.)

It's hard to get older when you are sort of without a sense of direction. It seems like everyone around me is moving forward and I'm just sort of stopped, daydreaming, watching... maybe even a little dazed.
It's just one of those times, a phase, where I feel like God is far away. I don't mean I'm doubting Him or anything like that, it's just.... Like there are so many other things going on in the world that He's a little busy for my tiny issues and my whole reluctance to the inevitability of growing up and all that that entails. I realise that it's God I'm talking about here and the whole "if he can see every sparrow that falls to the ground" thing is a little too worn to make much of an impact, I'm also sure there are plenty of people in the same position... But that isn't really much of a comfort either.

I was talking to my brother Jeremy today, about this - and my general discouragement with life as of late - and he said some very... inspiring... things. About God, the universe, ambition, inspiration, and life in general that I know I've been needing to hear.
The healing will be slow, I can tell, but at least it's begun.

Then I had a very pleasant evening with an old buddy of mine, containing pizza, the Mills, a new watch, a couple of cookies, this CD-- And now, exhaustion.

Still a whole birthday weekend ahead...