I realize that this may all seem a bit melodramatic; I'm sure there are tons of students every year who get kicked out of school for running out of money, or luck, as the case may be. And I'm sure this is going to make me sound spoiled, and maybe you'd have to know me personally to realy understand what I'm about to say: But the truth is that I have never been unable to achieve something that I really really wanted. It's never been completely out of reach, even if it was purely a miracle that it worked out. And as a result of this I always just imagined that when someone told me (or I told myself) that it was going to be okay, that that meant it was going to work out the way you thought it would.
And I don't mean always, just generally, because there are days even now when I just know that I am going to wake up in about five minutes- on the futon I used to fall asleep on, in the house I grew up in. And my Mom is going to come down the hall humming to herself with a basket of white towels and ask me if I had a nice nap... And the last four years, good and bad, are going to melt away.
But that's nonense! And I think what I'm really trying to get at here is that sometimes God has to remind me that it's not me. And "being okay" doesn't always mean that it works out my way or the way I think it's going to. Funny thing is, this is such an old lesson, but sometimes I need a little pinch to remind me that trusting Him - with EVERYTHING - is the most important thing I can do. Y'know?
I get so caught up in the crazy blur of busy days and lack of money, and I start forgetting. I start feeling more and more like I'm on my own, and stop pausing to thank Him for every second, or ask Him to be sure that even the small things work out. And I think, maybe, just maybe, even God feels abandoned sometimes - and He's a pretty jealous guy, I think. So once in a while, He's got to stop me and remind me how to focus.
"... I've seen some cool stuff. I made a lot of stuff happen for myself. I made a lot of stuff happen for myself. That's a really cool sentence when you're in your 20s, right? "I made it happen for myself." But all that means is that I've just somehow or another found a way to synthesize love. Or synthesize soothing. You can't get that..." - John Mayer
Ecclessiastes 5:7
Good exercise shoes equal less injuries
9 years ago
1 comment:
Allie,
You are right! You have to trust that G-d loves you and is doing only what is best for you. We don't always understand the why's. Sometimes we can look back and be thankful that we aren't still in a situation, and sometimes we look back and still wonder why.
G-d allows everything that happens to us, so that we will talk to Him and learn what He is trying to tell us. G-d will often talk to us in a whisper, and if we refuse to hear, he will often talk a little louder. This is all something that will make much more sense to you once you have children of your own. It is an easier concept to grasp once you can compare your relationship to G-d with the relationship you have with your children. Know one thing for sure! G-d loves you more than anyone else and He would never want you to be down. You have much wisdom for your age! Don't ever sell yourself short by trying to do it on your own, you know better than that!
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